The Wind Blows

With the rise of the sun and dawn of the day. New things come, and people find the day as a new start. I used to feel that way. The way when you awake to the new of the morning life was full and new. Since this feeling was gone and other reasons I thought that I needed to invoke a change.

The change was brought about for several reasons. One big one being that for some ill reason the longer I depend on my parents, the more nothing changes. They love me and try to provide for me since birth. But all the things that normal people got when they grew up I didn't. For example living in one place long. Not having simple things that others took for granted. So being where I am in life and how I feel this was the spark of change. I decide to move. Where to move was the big question at first. Where should I live? Most of my friends lived either in Costa Mesa or Fresno. I concluded that Fresno was out of the question due to the fact that I had no foothold to make a start there. So then it came to be that Costa Mesa was the choice.

When I mentioned Costa Mesa to my parents they said it was a great idea. Not to mention my grandparents lived down there. Everything seemed to be falling into place with the idea and where to stay. I had a goal and I was heading toward it. But oh how things change. Upon calling my Grandparents I was told that even though they had a open room I couldn't stay. My heart sank. This was another example on how extended family fails me. Anytime I am in need of help I try and do it myself. There have been a rare occasion when I have needed help. So I turned to those I loved and thought loved me. This was a mistake. Proven again by this. After this news I let things be and hoped for the best. What else could I do? I didn't have a job, money, or any friends saying hey come stay with us. The answer came in a brief meeting of a wonderful friend.

My buddy Andrew and I have been close but I hadn't heard from him in a long while. I recently found him and was invited to a air soft camp out with him and his family. At this fun cold event I met Robin. Robin is Andrew's brothers girlfriend (soon to be fiance). She asked about me and my life. Me being me I got on to my current topic on trying to move and why. She being a wise person soaked it in and just went on with her fun camping trip. Last day of camp we headed to Andrews house. Robin was in the kitchen making a sandwich. I went in to make one as well and didn't hear a noise out of her. I said to her I thought it was odd she wasn't talking since she and I were chatty all through the trip. Then she said lets talk about you maybe staying at my place in Costa Mesa while I go on vacation. I was stunned. Where did this come from? We talked and came to the arrangement of me staying at her place while she was gone for about a month and a half. This was the only thing keeping my goal a float and I was jazzed. But again things do change.

Andrew had called me one afternoon to talk to me about some hardships he was encountering. By this time me moving down there was a month away. We talked about life woes and things that may or may not happen. After the call I started to dwell on the news he spoke of. It seemed to make me feel something was going to happen. Sure enough on the day I was going to call Robin to make sure everything was still in order I found out the plans had changed. She was still going on Vacation but I wasn't going to be able to stay. The reason being more complications that came from nowhere really. I was sad but not really disheartened. I knew this was to good to be true.

Now while I waited to go to Robins place I had went down two days in a row to Costa Mesa on a job hunt. I got an interview and came for it the next day. A couple days later is when I learned about the news of not being able to go down to Costa Mesa. I wasn't crushed I just kind of knew this was to good to be true. I didn't believe it would work. Since it wouldn't work with my Grandparents, and staying with Robin didn't come through I ran out of options. My other option was if I couldn't make it to Costa Mesa that I would move to Rochester, New York with my sister and her husband. Since I heard nothing from jobs I hunted and nothing new came for me being able to move to Costa Mesa I felt the latter choice was becoming more and more a reality.

So New York is where I am bound for. The choice to go is not one without reason or need. Recently I have cut ties with a girl I loved with my whole heart and treated me bad. But I also lost a best friend. I started to notice that my favorite state, my home, wasn't the best place for me to be. Everything was fitting into place. People were falling away from me, and New York seems to be getting closer without my help. My heart is in a jumble over this. Saying goodbye to my home and to everyone. Starting a new life and direction with those I know to be a glimmer in the rear view mirror.

My heart is what guides me and I live by it. But with some really bad love relationships, and not being able to go to school. My life, heart have been in a slump. My heart has been wrung pretty rough through the ringer. People I love and care for are fading. I have no direction, no drive, and most important I'm losing the love I have. I'm becoming very jaded and I don't want it to happen.

So like the ever changing world, weather, and society I too will change.

I'll leave when the wind blows. And never look back.