Comtose

co·ma·tose

1 : of, resembling, or affected with coma
2 : characterized by lethargic inertness

I'm so drawn to the night. Silence is what surrounds me as I step out on to my deck. I look up at the stars that shine as though it was only for me to see and no one else. The cool night air touches my body and makes me feel at ease with everything that is thriving next me. I start to wonder how the night brings about a sense of detachment from the rest of world who is up and about during mid day. The night is my favorite time and I love dwelling in it.

I woke up this afternoon at 3:47pm. My eyes hurt and shown of red as if I was never asleep. I thought about if staying up til 9:00am is a good idea. I guess we will find out tomorrow. I grab my book that I'm reading (Eragon) and begin to head toward my cellar. My cellar is a room located next to my room. It goes down some stairs to the bottom most part of the house. I go and sit on my couch and begin to read. After a hour of reading I come to the conclusion that I am in a state of living but not alive. Wait what? I questioned my self. But after looking at what I do on a daily basis I've concluded I'm not content. As the Switchfoot song says "We were meant to live for so much more" and so am I. After that self reflection I began to think about other people I know and people in general. I started to compare people to myself. I'm a downer. I think this is due to my upbringing and hard life times.
I started to think about my friends, and what they were doing. If anyone asks hey how are you? What are you doing? What is new? The only answers I could give them would be: good, nothing, and I just got a new book. But after going through this train of thought I think who cares? Nobody does. That's the point of them asking. Even if I had wonderful things to say that are happening in my life that is where the conversation ends. People only say it as a way of holding your attention to say "Hey I like you but I'm not that interested". Besides as life continues and turns people fade away. All that is left is the idea or memory of a time you shared. Which is now gone and changed to something you can never return to. The only remedy to that situation is to make new memories with the person who you shared the past ones with. Does this happen? Sometimes. But like I said people move on.
So then I think instead of these thoughts of negative what is the solution to the problem of being in the state you're in? I pondered in the cellar randomly looking at the window for answers. One came, it was that in order to be not comatose you must change your surrounds, outlook, and over all just the normalcy of your life. I let those thoughts marinate til I decided to get up and go have some Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper tastes really good by the way. It also seemed to be a companion in the midst of a house with only a old crazy lady down the hall and three dogs locked away in a closet. What to do, what to do I ponder. I could finish reading my book to move on to the next one so that I can read the new one....but I'm still a little sleepy. I could play a video game. That brought of feelings of anger toward my Xbox360. Stupid Xbox(it's not working, and I have to get it repaired). I finally landed on going back to sleep in my dark room.

Moral of the story is I woke up at 8:00pm nothing was going on. My parents were home. But soon went to bed. I paced around the house. Then stepped outside to see the stars. Then wrote this.

Music plays as I finish this blog for today. I really love music for all of its wondrous sensation it brings. Notes and lyrics wash over me and take me away. Where depends on what thoughts or emotion is evoked from it.